Sand. Toes rubbing against sand. Sand between them, between toes and underfoot. At this time of the morning, early, before the sun has risen, in the chill, she gazes out toward the horizon. Her arms are folded against the cool air or against the world, she doesn’t know really, she can’t feel that much right now.
Sitting here with knees drawn up, a blanket draped across her shoulders, she isn’t thinking about Annie or the fight or the thrown bottle or the wine-stain on the carpet and the wall.
The sun will come up soon, not yet though. She has an hour or maybe more until the light of day drenches her in penetrating brightness. If only it could stay dark for days, for weeks or months. Then there might be enough time to really think about what happened.
She could walk into the sea, disappear under the water, become a selkie. Nobody would know the lone seal seen now and then on rocks and in the ocean, was her. And when she came ashore years from now nobody would know her after so much time had passed.
Annie would be gone too, long departed. None of this would ever have been resolved. No explanation would ever have been given and no shame would ever have to be borne into the future. One event, brief and of no import, would have been forgotten years before as would she have been. Annie’s life would have continued with a wrinkle or two until she left her life behind.
Still the sand remains between her toes. Moments have passed, not years. Waves roll in and tug at the shore, taking out grains of sand only to wash them ashore once more.
A sense of Annie drifts all about her. Gulls wake. The tide begins to creep in. Of course it’s a dream, a delusion, that she can leave and never return. Life is not a movie. So many of her things are at Annie’s, things she could never leave behind. And if this thing were never to be resolved it would burn inside her.
Her muscles groan as she stands after so long sitting on the sand. She is dizzy for a moment then gathers her courage about her and trudges up the beach to the car park. It’s time to face what may come.
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Selkies are fascinating creatures of myth. If you wish to know more of them you can start here. (It opens in a new tab)
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Thank you, C Pedro for permission to use the beach image. C Pedro’s work can be found at http://www.sxc.hu/profile/faraqat ^_^